I'm going to start ranting now, so if you are not up to deal with the rants of a frustrated man feel free to go somewhere else...like my gallery and fave some of my works

What's about to happen is all related to the fact that I'm most certainly going to end up old and alone without having meet someone about whom I can say "Gee, that guy/gal really knew me well.."
All my life I've been labeled as the "quiet guy"...always up in his little world of fantasies, never saying a word to anyone....just a silly little boy that hasn't got a clue of what's what. Because of that, the only "compliment" I manage to squeeze out of members of the opposite sex is "You're a really mysterious person...no one knows what you're thinking!" and then they smile in a way that makes me believe they truly believe they're giving me a good reason to be happy.
Why should I feel good about being mysterious? What exactly do I have to gain from it? Actually, I know how being mysterious strikes some people as being interesting but I honestly fail to grasp what good that brings me...

Being a shy/introverted guy, who would rather tear my own eyes out (sorry about the bloody detail) than to show the slightest hint of emotions, gaining the confidence to openly talk with someone, and let them meet the real me, is something that I can only do after spending some time with that person. But that's the problem! No one, anywhere, has the patience to actually get to know me. It's all talk, talk, talk...The statement "People are drawn to you because of your mysterious nature...they feel the desire to find out more about you!" is nothing more than a bull's-you-know-what.
I can't say I blame them though. I'd probably do the same thing.


Another thing that bothers me a little bit is when someone says I'm always calm and cool about everything, like, completely stress-proof. I'm not good at dealing with stress, at least not better than most people, and I probably worry about the most silly things...What I'm good at, very good at that, is bottling everything deep inside and pretend that everything is OK when it's not. And you've probably guessed...having no one to talk to doesn't make things any easier. But that's my problem and I'll deal with it someday.

So that's why I'm probably going to end up and old-bitter-pessimistic man, alone and forgotten by most people. At least I'll take some solace in knowing the few that do remember me, will have good memories to think about...

This concludes the rant. I hope I haven’t ruined your evening. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow. I don't know if it's the splitting headache I have or the cloudy weather we've been having but I'm feeling a bit gloomy right now...
In other news, I'm thing in participation in the Wacom's Bring Your Visions to Life contest. I don't know how I'm supposed to compete with some of the artists here but I'll try to give them some stiff competition :3 I'm a pretty heavy daydreamer so maybe that will give me a head start.
I'm also tryingo to learn the following songs on the guitar:
Sign of the Southern Cross by Black Sabbath (Heaven & Hell) [link]
The Bard's Song in the Forest by Blind Guardian [link]

I'm bored...Quiz time!

001. Real name → Afonso
002. Nickname(s)→ Pássaro
003. Zodiac sign → Cancer
004. Male or female → Male
005. Elementary → CSJB
006. Middle School → CSJB
007. High School → CSJB
008. Hair color → Dark
009. Long or short → Short at the moment
010. Loud or Quiet → Quiet
011. Sweats or Jeans → Jeans
012. Phone or Camera → Camera
013. Health freak → nope
014. Drink or Smoke? → Both, socially.
015. Do you have a crush on someone? → not really
016. Eat or Drink → Eat :3
017. Piercings → no
018. Tattoos → no

HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane → Yes
020. Been in a car accident → Yes
021. Been in a fist fight → Yes

FIRSTS:
022. First piercing → eyebrow someday
023. First best friend → don't remember
025. First award → Solidarity & Companionship of my school's honor board
026. First crush → don't remember
028. First big vacation → the time I went without my parents to Madeira.

LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → My mom
030. Last person you texted → kinda stupid put I have no idea who it was. Some number I didn't recognize
031. Last person you watched a movie with → My Parents
032. Last food you ate → Chocolate cookies :3
033. Last movie you watched → The Straight Story
034. Last song you listened to → Inside the Fire - Disturbed
035. Last thing you bought → a mouse. The kind you plug to the computer
036. Last person you hugged → it's been too long to remember.

FAVES:
037. Food → Pizza
038. Drinks → Cola, 7Up and Vodka
039. Clothing → Casual and comfortable
040. Book → I don't have one. I don't read much.
041. Music → Metal and Jazz
042. Flower → Roses
043. Colors → Green, Orange and Black
044. Movies → The Shawshank Redemption, Princess Mononoke
045. Shoes → which ever is more confortable
046. Subjects → Art, Music, Photography and Astrology

IN THE PAST YEAR I ... :
047. [ ] kissed in the snow
048. [ ] celebrated Halloween
049. [ ] had your heart broken
050. [ ] went over the minutes on your cell phone
051. [ ] someone questioned your sexual orientation
052. [ ] came out of the closet
053. [ ] gotten pregnant
054. [ ] had an abortion
055. [x] done something you've regretted
056. [x] broke a promise
057. [x] hid a secret
058. [x] pretended to be happy
059. [ ] met someone who changed your life
060. [ ] pretended to be sick
061. [x] left the country
062. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
063. [ ] cried over the silliest thing
064. [ ] ran a mile
065. [x] went to the beach
066. [x] stay single the whole year :woot:

CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → nothing
068. Drinking → nothing
069. I'm about to → continue working
070. Listening to → the rest of the album I'm listening to right now
071. Plans for today/tomorrow → work, work and work.
072. Waiting for → my mother calling me to dinner

YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? Maybe...I can only know for sure after I meet the woman I'll spend the rest of my life with.
074. Want to get married? → I don't believe happyness can only be achieved by marrige so no. But if she want's to, I wouldn't abject.
075. Careers in mind → Architecture and Musician

WHICH IS BETTER ON A BOY/GIRL?
076. Lips or eyes → Eyes
077. Shorter or taller? → Shorter
078. Romantic or spontaneous → Romantic
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → Stomach
080. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive
081. Hookup or relationship → Relationship
082. Troublemaker or hesitant → Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → no
084. Ran away from home → no
085. Held a gun/knife for self defense → once
086. Killed somebody → no
087. Broken someone's heart → maybe
088. Been arrested → almost but no
089. Cried when someone died → no

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → sure
091. Miracles → Yes
092. Love at first sight → no
093. Heaven → no
094. Santa claus → no
095. Sex on the first date → absolutly not
096. Kiss on the first date → Only if we really click

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → I think so
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → not really... no.
099. Do you believe in God → I believe in something but I don't call it "God"
<error! 100th step missing!>

So there you have it.

My first official journal entry writen in my new laptop Say hello to Toshy.

[link]
The reason why I've been too busy to write something down in this journal. I'm quite proud of it though I know it's not the most original piece but


So, my vacations are going well...I've managed to get some things done that I had planed. It seems that the more time you have on your hands you don't have enough of it to do everything you want to do .

I started leaning Cinema 4D and I must say I'm very excited about it. It's incredibly easy to use and the outcomes are amazing.
So, be prepared to be dazzled by my awesome 3D skills soon.

Oh...and it's TOO FRIGINN' HOT! It's always the same this time of the year...And there's always a mosquito bothering me at night. Those little buggers...

So today was my birth day 21...man I'm getting old...
It was a bit boring since I spent half of the day at university studying and the other half at home studying some more...only at night did I spent time with my family & friends.

Now I'm just chillin' to some piano music before I go to bed. Speaking of piano, I was asked, by two of my great friends to be the pianist in a music project their putting together. Problem is, although I own a keyboard (a very crappy one), I don't know how to play. The only thing I can play is very simple tunes like the piano solo of Clubbed to Death or the Moonlight sonata.
But maybe this will be a great opportunity to start learning and get serious about it ;D